‘Adoption is one of the solutions not only for the childless couples but also for homeless children. It is defined as a process by which people take a child not born to them and treat him as a member of the family’.
Excerpts From books namely, The Penguin Guide to Adoption in India by Alomo Lobo and Adoption in India: Policies and experiences by Vineeta Bhargawa.
A close look at the data of Adoptive parents reveal that majority of them adopt because they cannot have biological children. In most cases the reason of non-conception is a problem identified with the woman. In only a few instances it is acknowledge that the man is responsible.
Only a few families adopt if they can have biological children. Those families who do come forward to adopt have to procure a medical certificate from a medical practitioner to show that having another biological child will be difficult for them.
Most families prefer to adopt only one child. More families with a female child were located than those with a male child. Families with 2 adopted children are also small in number. In most families that are childless at the time of adoption, the need to have a child to take care for is the primary reason for adoption. It is the primarily the woman’s need for a child that initiates the search for alternatives. Only in rare cases is it the desire of the man. Loneliness ,a lack of purpose or fear of an old age without children are the reasons given for wanting a child. What is surprising that not even one family mentions religious or inheritance rites as a reason for wanting to adopt. Adoption as a solution to childlessness occurs only after a long period to deliberation. Sometimes the couple’s horoscopes are examined by the family astrologer to determine whether the celestial configuration has granted them the privilege of parenthood.
Childlessness is a subject of social concern to the family and community in our country. Adoptive parents say that not bearing a child within a couple of years of marriage produces a spate of questions from family and friends.
In case of families that already had biological children the decision to adopt is met with astonishment. Other family members say ‘you must be mad, when you have your own child why do you want to adopt?’ or, ‘I don’t believe this, did your husband do some mischief?’. That someone could adopt a child just because they wanted to is not a good enough explanation.
Why Adoption?
Adoption is generally associated with couples unable to bear natural children, but not all couples that adopt are infertile.
Some of them have children of one sex and want one of the other.
The mother’s or father’s age or health may not allow her or him to have a birth child.
They want to support or nurture a challenged child
They want to parent a child
Some adopt simply out of love for children or they wish to give additional company to their natural children or they want to serve the society through adoption.
Certain reasons why couples should not adopt
If a marriage is uncertain, the couple needs to wait. A child will not repair the damage.
If a couple has just lost a child, they should not adopt immediately. They need time to grieve and a no child can replace another child.
A couple should not adopt due to societal or family pressure. They should adopt only if as a couple they want it.
Adoption by single parent
The popular perception is that single parents cannot adopt, however single parent adoption is permissible under certain conditions. To nurture and parent a child is a human need that could be felt by the single parent also.
Today single adoptive parents are becoming more acceptable in societies eyes.
Many agencies prefer two parents families. There argument is that it is better for the child to be in family with two parents and still there are two parent families waiting to adopt a child, they have no reason to give a child to single parent.
Adoption from within the family
The adoption into one’s family of an unrelated child is a fairly new concept in india. The family argument was that if a child were from within the family, the adoptive parents would be comfortable in the knowledge of the child’s background, medical history and other related factors.
But many couple may prefer unrelated child as they may feel that there would be too much interference and confusion if the child were from the family.
Open Adoption
Open adoption means that the birth parents and the adoptive parents both have some knowledge of each other. In some countries, the birth parents may even have a say in choosing the adoptive parents and may – to some extent- be in communication over the years.
In india the supreme court deems all records confidential. Hence the possibility of an open adoption is remote. However, if a birth mother prefers, she may leave a letter to be given to the adoptive parents, stating that she has no objection to being contacted at a later date. After this, the chance of a future.
Talk with Jishu- A social work at ‘Shishu Mandir Home’
Within 10 years itself there has been increase in the acceptance of adoptions within families. At least amongst the educated class today adoption has become another method to start a family.
10 to 15 cases that we get at shishu mandir are of infertility problem. They 1st try out the various medications that are available, in the hope to cure themselves. This wait and hope continues till the time they are around 45 years of age and that’s when usually they decide to give up and try adoption.
Very sadly by then it becomes difficult for them to adopt. The law allows maximum age of 45 each or there should be a total of 90 but we prefer parents of ages between 32-40.
The couples register with us and send in their applications with the required documents. In the applications the couples specify the details of the child they wish to adopt. After which the agency scrutinizes the applications on the basis of education, qualification, health, age of the family and so on. Thus only a few from those applicants are actually selected finally in the pre- registration process. Families which become too specific about the kind of child they want in terms of colour, features and so on, such applications are immediately rejected.
There have been cases of few illiterate people who also approach the agency for adoption. Few women from the villages would pretend that they are pregnant and come to the agency for adoption so that the society around them feels it’s a biological child. Such cases are also immediately rejected.
There have been illegal cases of adoption as well, thru many government hospitals and kidnappings.
About the laws of adoption- according to the Hindu law of adoption all hindus can adopt where as the Non hindus will acquire the guardianship. But recently according to the JJ act of 2006 the minorities within India can also adopt. But such cases have been very rare and till now only 2 such adoptions have taken place, one in Bombay and the other from Kerela. This act has not been passed through the supreme court which is why it’s not very openly followed amongst the minorities.
It has been a little unfair on the minorities, because these laws have been largely influenced by the religious disparities. Also according to the Shastras, Hindus require a son in order to perform the last rights of the parents, where as amongst the muslims and Christians such a condition is not important.
But this doesn’t necessarily mean that male child is mostly preferred, today many couples come to adopt a female because they feel that a female will be much more attached and caring. Though amongst Brahmins sons are still preferred.
The mothers or couples who come to give away their child go through a lot of emotional trauma themselves.
Many single parents also come for adoption like- unwed mother, a mother with a very sick child, if the husband passes away, the couple are financially broke, they already have 3 children and cannot afford a 4th one and so on. These mothers are also 1st given some counseling through a child welfare committee. The committee tries to place them into some job in order to help the mother. The mother gets a 60 day time period within which she can change her mind.
Single parents who come for adoption need to fulfill the age criteria of above 30-40 years. This is because the adoption decision they may take before 30 could be very juvenile, they might regret their decision with time.
Also a single male parent can only adopt a male child where as a single female parent can only adopt a female child. Also amongst Hindus if one adoption takes place, the next adoption has to be of an opposite sex. Or if the second child is of the same sex then the parents only get the guardianship of the second child, without the right to inheritance with the child. Thus only the 1st child can inherit the property. After 2 adoptions, if a family wants to adopt a 3rd child, the 3rd one can only be under guardianship, again without the inheritance right.
Many of the couples who come for adoption because of infertility problem, go through a lot themselves emotionally. Before coming into terms with infertility they sometimes go through a lot of counseling. As such the educated families who come for adoption at Shishu mandir, are pretty much open to adoption. The ones who have a joint family might face problems from the grandparents. We prefer to avoid such families too because we want the child to be happy( who him/herself has gone through a lot) and to get the love of the grandparents too. According to CARA, families with minimum earnings of 3000 to 6000/- can adopt, but we prefer families with an earning of atleast 15,000-20,000/- so that the child doesn’t have to go through a lot of problems. The families who come to us discuss situations like, when they go to functions or family gatherings, that’s when they feel most ashamed of not having a child. Some couples thus choose to seclude themselves from the society.
Foreign adoptions also takes place in india, but the foreigners can only adopt special need children or physical problems or heart problems or a child who has been thrice rejected by Indian families. Indian families do not prefer children above 5 years, thus those children can also be adopted by the foreign families. In india families prefer to adopt children between below 1 year up to 2 years.
After the adoption regular visits of once in 6 months are made to confirm if the child is happy with the new parents. These visits are later reduced slowly. In the case of foreign adoptions a regular visit takes places by the agency situated in that particular country.
Reproductive Health Profile India
Socio-cultural context and consequences
In a patriarchal setting, such as in India, bearing children, particularly sons, largely defines a woman’s identity. Motherhood is of great social significance and infertility is perceived as a threat to men’s procreativity and the continuity of the lineage (Iyengar and Iyengar, 1999;Jindal and Dhall, 1990; Jindal and Gupta, 1989; Mulgaonkar 2001; Neff, 1994; Patel, 1994; Prakasamma, 1999b; Singh and Dhaliwal, 1993; Unisa, 1999; Widge, 2001).
Infertility is a life crisis with invisible losses, and its consequences are manifold. Childless women experience stigma and isolation. Infertility can threaten a woman’s identity, status and economic security and consequently, be a major source of anxiety leading to lowered self-esteem and a sense of powerlessness. Although perceptions of women’s roles and attitudes may be shifting, particularly in the upper and middle classes, bearing a child still
remains an important factor in the socio-economic well being of most Indian women (Das Gupta, Chen and Krishnan, 1995).
Infertility can also result in a strained relationship in the marital home. Men tend to hold their wives responsible for infertility and many wives tend to blame themselves for childlessness irrespective of who may be responsible (Desai, Shrinivasan and Hazra, 1992). In some cases women are threatened with another marriage or divorce and many fear abandonment and loss of social and economic security. They could also be victims of violence, abuse and social exclusion (Singh, Dhaliwal and Kaur, 1996). Some couples experience altered sexual responses (Desai, Shrinivasan and Hazra, 1992; Mulgaonkar, 2001). Though childlessness usually has a negative impact on marriage, some husbands are supportive and defend their wives against family pressure or criticism (Widge, 2001).
Couples seek varied traditional methods and religious practices, including visits to temples, abstaining from visiting a 69 place where a woman has delivered a child, observing tantric rites, wearing charms, participating in rituals and visiting astrologers (Desai, Shrinivasan and Hazra, 1992; Patel, 1994; Unisa, 1999). A variety of treatments are sought though a pattern of treatment-seeking does not clearly emerge. Some studies suggest that women first seek treatment from traditional healers (Gupta, Dhall and Dhaliwal, 1983; Kakar, 1983). More recent studies have identified allopathy as the first treatment sought. Couples also follow religious practices with such treatment, either simultaneously or subsequently (Mulgaonkar, 2001; Unisa, 1999). As a last resort, when allopathic treatment does not work, women seek other methods, such as ayurveda, homeopathy, unani and other traditional methods, or visit holy places and spiritual healers (Unisa, 1999). Most couples seek treatment after trying to conceive for one to four years (Gupta, Dhall and Dhaliwal, 1983; Iyengar and Iyengar, 1999; Mulgaonkar, 2001; Unisa, 1999). Couples may delay seeking medical advice because of the fear of a final definite diagnosis, emotional stress, the physical discomfort of the tests they would have to undergo and admitting failure in their efforts to conceive (Gupta, Dhall, and Dhaliwal, 1983). Irrespective of who the infertile person is, it is the woman who usually initiates the first contact with a physician.
The right to have a baby is something most of us take for granted, and we often lose sight of the fact that 1 in 10 married couples will not be able to have the child they want. Infertility is a very common problem , and if you stop to think about it, you will realize that you know at least one person who is infertile amongst your own group of friends or relatives. However, it remains one of those taboo topics which no one wants to talk about, even though it interferes with one of the most fundamental and highly valued human activities - building a family.
Millions of infertile couples in Indian cities today face many obstacles in their attempts to build a much-wanted family, and one of the most frustrating is the lack of insurance coverage for medical treatment. What this means is that while infertility specialists in India can provide even the most advanced reproductive techniques to solve extremely complex infertility problems, at a level of sophistication which is comparable with that in the West (and at a fraction of the price ) most couples cannot avail of these techniques because these are not covered by their insurance policy
©Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD
Medical Director
Malpani Infertility Clinic
Bombay
Laws related to adoption in India
The adoption procedure in India is governed by specific legislations that are applicable depending on the religion of the person who wants to adopt (called the ‘adopter’) a child (who is the ‘adoptee’). There are two major adoptions laws that apply to adopters in India:
The Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956 (HAMA)
This act deals with the adoption process for all Hindus in India. For legal purposes under this Act, a Hindu is defined as any person who is a Hindu, Buddhist, Jain, Brahmo, Sikh, Prarthna or Arya Samaji. An important condition of this Act is that if a couple already has a biological child, they can only adopt children belonging to the opposite sex (i.e. a girl if they already have a boy and vice versa). All cases related to adoption are handled by the city civil courts under this Act.
The Guardianship and Wards Act, 1890
This Act gives complete guardianship authority to all non-Hindus such as Christians, Muslims, Parsis and Jews who are also governed by their own religious personal laws. In this case, while the adoptive parents are conferred guardianship status, the adopted child does not automatically get inheritance rights. As per this law, guardians need to submit an investment plan and also invest a certain amount of money in the name of the ward for his/her future security. The adoption cases under this Act are handled by the High court or Family courts.
Who can adopt
Any single woman or married couple is eligible to adopt. A single male is usually not eligible to adopt in India (although widowers and divorcees are allowed to). The minimum age of the adopter has to be 21 years.
Additionally, if a child is less than one year old, the couple can have a maximum combined age of 90 years and neither parent can be older than 45 years.
The adoption procedure
There are several steps involved in the adoption procedure. First, a formal application form has to be filled out by the interested person/ couple at a certified adoption agency. (It is important to contact such an agency; not every children’s home is authorized to offer children for adoption, nor are hospitals, nursing home or religious institutions without such certification).
Then, a social worker representing the agency observes the living conditions of the couple. Their daily activities are monitored to make sure that they are capable of handling an adopted child. Some other aspects such as their family background, financial status, mental and emotional health, quality of marital life etc. are also noted.
After this is completed, a No Objection Certificate (NOC) is issued to the adoption agency by the Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA). This is an agency under the Ministry of Women and Child development (GOI). A copy of some documents such a health certificate, marriage certificate, financial statements, bank references, photographs of the person/ couple etc. have to be submitted.
Finally after all these formalities are completed, the adoption agency shows the child to the prospective parent (s)/. They may have given some preferences about the child they wish to adopt (in terms of age or gender) and the agency tries to find a child according to those preferences.
Why problems in adoption process arise in India:
Sadly in India, this relationship is given only limited encouragement by law. There is no uniform adoption law in India. Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act (HAMA) of 1956 allow only Hindus to adopt. Muslim, Parsis, Christians and Jews can only become legal guardians under Guardianship and wards act (GAWA) of 1890 which does not give any security to either the child or to the adoptive parents since guardianship can be challenged. Guardianship expires once the child attains age of 18 years.
Religious Minorities cannot adopt legally in country, but anyone from outside India can take Indian Children under GAWA and convert their guardianship into adoption under the laws of their respective countries
Capacity of Male Hindu:
A Male Hindu who is of sound mind and is a minor, has the capacity to take a son or daughter provided that if he has a wife living he shall not adopt except with the consent of his wife unless his wife completely and finally renounced the world or has ceased to be a Hindu, or has been declared by a court of competent jurisdiction to be of sound mind.
Capacity of female Hindu:
Any female Hindu who is of sound mind, who is not a minor and who is not married or whose marriage has been dissolved or whose husband is dead or completely and finally renounced the world or has ceased to be Hindu or has been declared by a court to be unsound mind has a capacity to take son or daughter in adoption.
Juvenile Justice Amendment Act 2006:
Juvenile Justice Amendment act allows non Hindus to adopt but there is hardly any awareness about 2006 amendment to Juvenile Justice Act.
An article in Hindustan times on July 12th 2010 –
According to the above article in the newspaper women will be given the same rights as men to guardianship and adoption of children, even if they are single. A new law to make this effective appears set to become a reality this year. According to the existing law, in case a couple wants to adopt a child, the father is the natural guardian. The proposed amendment to the 120 year-old Guardians and Wards Act, 1890, includes the mother along with the father to be appointed as a guardian, making the process gender neutral.
Excerpt out of an article written by Jo McGowan who is the founder of Karuna Vihar, a school for children with special needs, in Dehra Doon, India-
‘Adoption in India is still a very strange concept for most people. The most positive response I get from strangers who learn that our third child is adopted is surprise. Incredulity is more common, with a vague desire to warn me of the near-certain calamities awaiting us as she grows older. People here worry seriously about blood lines and the caste system. The idea of taking on an absolute genetic unknown is too much to consider. Still, some brave couples do adopt, and every year more people are taking the chance’.
From an article by Mark Lerner, Ph.D.
Adoptive parents often bring to the table a history of stress. For example, pre-adoption stressors, which may include fertility problems, losses and significant relationship conflicts. There is also stress associated with the acquisition of an adoptive child. For example, there may be serious medical concerns, “misunderstandings,” and heartbreaking disappointments. Finally, post-adoption stress may center around the realization of a dream, tremendous life changes with new responsibilities, and a future marked by uncertainty and fear.
Adoption stress is manifested in the feelings, thoughts, actions and physical reactions of all parties associated with the adoption process—by birth parents, adoptive parents and certainly, adoptive children. By understanding adoption stress and recognizing the symptoms, we can intervene early, educate and empower victims, and prevent acute difficulties from becoming chronic problem
The psychology of infertility
by Partners Harvard Medical International on Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Infertility affects every aspect of a woman's life, from her relationships to her self-esteem to her ability to plan for the future. Women who are involuntarily childless describe an array of difficult emotions, including feelings of grief, anger, frustration, and envy. They can also face social isolation.
In still other research, infertile women were found to have depression levels twice as high as fertile women, and those who had been trying to get pregnant for two to three years were the most depressed.
Today, there are more than 40 ways to get pregnant without sexual intercourse. By far, the most commonly used method is in vitro fertilization (IVF).
The Emotional Effects of Infertility on the Couple Relationship
Men and women are affected by infertility in different ways. Most couples experience the struggle in much the same way. This is related to the traditional ways men and women have been trained to think, feel and act.
Women are typically seen, by others as well as themselves, as the emotional caretakers or providers of the relationship. Women typically feel responsible not only for everyone's bad feelings, but also for anything bad that happens. When women try to repress feelings, their emotions can become more ominous until they finally feel out of control. Their emotions can become a monster about to swallow them whole.
Men are traditionally seen as the financial providers of the relationship and are responsible for protecting the family from real or imagined dangers. Men find themselves in a position where, regardless of how well they've been trained to solve problems, they are helpless to make this situation better for the woman and, as a result, may give off messages that she is "too" emotional or sensitive, hoping that this will calm her down. The wife hears this as criticism of her coping and care taking skills rather than as an expression of her husband's fears.
This is the time when couples cling together for dear life, feeling that they've failed in the most basic of all roles: reproduction.
Some women may feel uncomfortable around children and consequently start to isolate themselves from family and friends who have children. Increasing isolation leaves the women without social support networks to help them overcome the feelings of depression and frustration commonly associated with infertility. Christmas, Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Day become painful reminders of their infertility instead of celebratory occasions.
A woman may develop feelings of hatred or disgust towards her body, perceiving it as inadequate, dysfunctional and diseased. Similarly, a woman’s sense of femaleness is often closely associated with pregnancy and motherhood. Infertility, therefore, may have a serious impact on a woman’s sexual identity, leaving her feeling less sexually attractive or asexual.
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